Where, in all the world, IS God?

"I’ve curled up in bed, pulled the covers over my head, and tried to pray to a God I felt I’d left behind on another continent." -Shaun Groves, in a blog on the vast experiences of re-entry.

A couple months ago, my eyes read those words then almost began the next sentence; but didn't. After one second of ingesting that statement, I began to sob. But not the kind where you're wailing loudly for the neighbors to hear. It was a silent sob--where you exhale strongly and seem to be caught there for 10 seconds, as the tears flood your eyes. You hyperventilate, choking on air as your chest jolts a few times. tears stream down your face. I continued in this state for a good 5 minutes, intensely whispering, where are you God?? Jesus, I need you! Where are you?? 

Wrecked: Part II

Thank you for your overwhelming support and kindness to me after my last post, my dear cyber supporters (and those of you I actually get to see face-to-face, too!) ;)

I have been affirmed time and time again for posting that. It's a conscious decision of letting yourself be seen by anyone and everyone by posting something like that and NO, I am not sorry I did, nor ashamed that people know that about me now. It's actually quite freeing.

Look, I know that to some it may have been a shock, and to others, a sigh of relief: she IS real. Yes. I am human. I do struggle with doubts, fears, insecurities, just like everyone else. And sometimes I need to remind myself of the last part of that sentence, "just like everyone else." My friend Amber said it really well yesterday:

Wrecked

**This post is long, yes, and it's raw. I didn't go back and take out the ugly things, the not-so-put-together things. I am not looking for pity. Prayers, yes. But mostly, I feel like I need to just get real with the world. No more hiding. Read if you dare. if you care to.**

Nowadays, the term wrecked is used to denote many types of situations--a sweater that has a large stain in the center, a car smashed into a pole, a person that sees traumatic, emotionally damaging scenes and is left emotionally distraught (with empathy.)

I'm sure at some point I've seen the first two, whether in person or on the news. And I've definitely been in the position of the latter description. I've been to developing countries, seen a lack of hope, and my heart has cried for those people.

But today, I find myself in a different "wrecked" situation. In my case, "wrecked" is a person emotionally distraught with self-pity.