John 3:8

The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Tears of This Saint

Two days ago, I saw God's fingerprints everywhere. He was like a sloppy Santa Claus who forgot to wear gloves, and left evidence of his presence (and presents?) everywhere he went.
Two days ago I was reminded of the importance of carving out time just to be with people I love and to have conversations that mean something. I was reminded what it's like to cry with them. I know that sounds odd, but crying is something I do pretty often, just because I am a person who feels a lot. I generally cry in movies that are touching or sad. I typically cry when my friends are hurting or really joyful. I typically cry when God moves in an awesome way; when I'm reminded of how incredible His love is for me; when I am having a rough week;when I am drained and wearied; when I feel lonely. All of these things could typically make me cry.
Yet this past month or so, almost all of those things had occurred but still I had not been able to cry.
At first I attributed it to the fact that I was really excited about certain things happening in my life right now, and thought I was, in a sense, "on an emotional high." But then it began to bother me. I felt really low for a couple days but felt as though I could not properly or fully process or deal with what was going on. I thought maybe if I cried, I would be able to feel the emotions more strongly and identify what was going on. So I began to pray that God would allow me to cry.
This whole thing had been going on for over a month and I thought, as a girl, that doesn't seem right. my cycle usually makes it easier for me to cry(pardon my frankness)--but not even that did anything this time. Not until I sat in the car with my best friend sharing her heart with me did my eyes even well up. It was then that I saw her frustration and sadness, and I began to break for her. tears came out of my eyes that very minute, trickling down.
I still don't understand fully why God withheld those tears from me for so long. But I know now more than before how beneficial my tears are to processing my emotions. Thank you Lord, for tears. May we never be ashamed to display our emotion, whether sadness or great joy.

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